I am going to be honest in saying I have had a little bit of trouble focusing on my pregnancy style this week. Last Thursday I went in for a routine “listen to the baby’s heartbeat” check-up when I received the surprising news that the first trimester screening came back with some concerns. The doctor told me I scored an 83 for Down Syndrome. I really had no idea what this meant. Even though it was my fourth pregnancy I fortunately hadn’t been forced to think about this before. When the doctor told me of my risk, I wanted to cry, but I did not. I wasn’t even sure what this meant and I was so shocked I didn’t even ask any questions. For some reason I put on a brave face, not even sure why, but it is a habit of mine. She told me to get the Non-Invasive Prenatal Test (NIPT) blood test as soon as possible. This test would give an accurate test result. I nodded and numbly headed out the door. As soon as I was in the hallway I began to freak out – first internally, then externally, as I called my husband in hysterics.
I scheduled my NIPT for the next morning, not wasting anytime. However, that night, I struggled with whether I actually wanted to go through with it. Say, my baby had Down Syndrome, I would be devastatingly heartbroken but I would still have the baby. So, is this something I wanted to know now, or would I rather deal with it when the little angel was born? I decided that regardless of the outcome I would want to know.
The next day when I met with the genetic counselor, I had a much better idea of what and how the first trimester screen came to be an 83. First thing working against me was my age- 34. Now while this is not old to me as far as statistics go, it is getting up there when it comes to having a baby. Next were the actual blood results that did not score in the ideal range. She did explain to me though that these generate false positives, all the time based on proteins in the body, a slight tear in the placenta, incorrect due date, to name a few. Finally, she explained the baby’s nuchal fold measurement measured by ultrasound on the baby’s neck was fine. This news made me a little better about my 1 in 83 odds.
Right now I am still hanging on to that good nuchal fold measurement and the images of my beautiful baby’s ultrasound to help keep me calm and positive. See the NIPT takes about 10 days to come back, and my doctor told me I will not know until next Tuesday or Wednesday. The waiting is torture and my emotions bounce all over the place. I haven’t cried for a few days but I am still distracted and sometimes angry. Being pregnant is hard and so scary. Just when you think everything is going well, you are thrown a curve ball and it disrupts your life, stops you in your tracks. It changes the way you think and feel about life at that moment. Nothing hurts more than the thought of one of your baby’s having something wrong with them whether they are in your tummy or out in the world.
So I am praying and hoping with all my heart that this is a healthy baby, and all of this was just some terrible scare that has made me appreciate more than ever my three healthy babies, my husband and my life.
And despite how awful I have felt, life still goes on, and with it so does work. Fortunately, I love what I do. Whether putting together a look for the site, a client or myself, I truly enjoy it. This week it has been a welcome distraction. Pretty clothes make me happy. It may sound shallow, but sometimes it is those simple things that help us smile too. xx
Weeks 14-15
Here is another trés chic dress find from Anthropologie. Lately, whenever I browse their site I find so many great dresses that work pregnant or not. This dress is a fun and flirty example of the MOD trend.
Shop >>> Anthropologie Dress
Shop >>> Manolo Blahnik Pumps (sold out – similar here//splurge, save )
Taken after a delicious lunch at Fred’s, the Barney’s New York Restaurant. These two wonderful, thoughtful friends drove up from Newport Beach to take me to lunch for my birthday. I was already so excited to see them but I was extra happy to have this girl time as it was right after my NIPT blood work. Thank goodness for girlfriends who stand by you in the tough times. To all of the beautiful souls in my life, thank you!
Everything about these pictures make me smile, especially my baby girl. She wants to do and be just like her mama. If I am wearing a hat, she has to wear a hat. If I have on sunglasses she wants to wear sunglasses, and so it goes with everything from jewelry to lip gloss. I love it! I also love hats and maxi dresses. I could wear both everyday and almost do in the summer. This dress by T-bags takes me to somewhere tropical. In fact, most of their clothes do and that is one of the reasons I am a big fan of the line.
Shop >>> T-Bags Los Angeles Dress (sold out – similar here)
Shop >>> Hat Attack Fedora
Shop >>> Chloé Sunnies
Lately, the days have been filled with sunshine and blue skies but today was a cloudy, grey day. I decided to match the sky and the mood outside with this grey and cozy ensemble.
Shop >>> Mossimo Sweatpants (style steal!)
Shop >>> Sweater (similar here, and here)
Shop >>> 3.1 Phillip Lim Bag
This dress I purchased pre-pregnancy, but like so many of my dresses, it is loose enough that it will work for pregnancy. However, in this dress I do not look pregnant yet, so I chose to cover my tummy area with a cozy, chic cashmere wrap. I have paired the dress with cowboy boots. While this is not a new trend or style, it is one that still looks fabulous. If you haven’t already, give it a try.
Shop >>> Zara Dress (sold out – similar here)
Zara Wrap (sold out – similar here on sale)
Ash Booties (limited sizes available here, similar ones here)
with love,
Jess
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