“The days are long, but the years are short.” I can’t remember who said this to me, when or where, but it is a statement I will never forget. This idea, a rather sister statement to the well known “time flies when you are having fun” points out the fact when raising babies and young children you are not always “having fun” and oftentimes bed time cannot come soon enough. “Yes!”, we all nod in agreement, but then why sometimes do I feel guilty if I am not enjoying every moment with my kids? Or even worse are those times I become impatient and lose my temper and I find myself wishing I had handled the situation differently.
Believe me, I want to be madly in love with my children all the time. And I know how blessed I am to have three healthy children with another one on the way, but sometimes that is not enough to make me feel joy in every moment. I wish it was! Then I wonder, why isn’t it? The only clear reason I can find is that I am only human and the person/mom I would like to be all the time just isn’t always available.
Is this as simple as a 1 + 1 = 2 rationalization? Oh no, but as humans we are complicated and as women even more. So whether I am tired, distracted or just flat out in a bad mood for no apparent reason there are times that I am not at my best for my kids. I admit it and as your classic perfectionist this is not easy to say “I am not a perfect mom.”
We live in a society, a generation of introspective thinkers where mental therapy has become as popular as physical therapy. This is a good thing. We are (in general) more self-aware and striving to be the best version of ourselves. And when it comes to parenting it is no different. I have a feeling I am not the only mom who has a stack of parenting books (the majority of which I have not had time to read and I, of course, feel bad about that 🙂 ) sitting on a bookshelf. We want to be the best we can for our kids so they can be the best kids.
I wonder though is it because we want them to be happy or because we want to be happy or both? The obvious answer is yes to all of it. But at the same time are we putting too much pressure on ourselves, on our kids? I don’t have the answer, but I do know that something seems wrong with the fact that 4 year olds are in various types of therapy and tutoring to fix what is often times just growing pains or simply developmentally unavailable for them at this stage (This is in no way to discount those that truly need it).
Many at this young age are already being groomed for high school, even college. We tell ourselves it is for them, so “they” can be successful in life. Of course, I, too, want my babies to excel to be the best they can be, but at what cost? Is it at the cost of happiness? Or do we believe that happiness can only be found by being the best? So what happens when we are not the best mom and they are not the best kids then we are not happy?!
It is more of a question than a statement, something to ponder. I can honestly say my happiest moments are when we are just hanging out as family doing essentially “nothing” other than listening to music, playing in the backyard or at the beach. This nothing does not mean nothing in action as we could be running as fast as we can to catch a football or away from a crashing wave, but these are pure moments lead by the heart. We are all just being, just existing, no pressure, no expectations, no goal in mind. It is at that time I am my best version of me as a person, as a mom and as a wife. And guess what? Usually I am getting the best version of my kids.
Why? I believe it is because we all feel free to just be ourselves- no expectations, no pressure. These are the times when “time flies” and the days do not feel long enough. It is these moments that live in our hearts and minds forever.
While part of me wishes life could be like this everyday, I know well enough that if it were I would not appreciate these moments nearly as much. So my big take away and what I always come back to is balance. We work hard as moms, as dads and as kids, but we need to make time to play hard as well. This may just mean laying around watching a movie together or it could be going on a family bike ride. Whatever it is we all need time to just exist, no pressure, no expectations, no clock.
This is part of the reason we essentially did “nothing” for my daughter’s second birthday. I wanted it to be just about watching and enjoying her. I had no pressure to organize or socialize. All that mattered to me was my little Elle-belle, and all that mattered to her was the attention of her family, presents and “CAKE” (by far her favorite part although balloons came a close second).
Moments like this are fleeting.
I know the time will soon come that having all her friends celebrating her birthday will be the priority. And if I have learned anything thus far in my seven years as a mom is that in the long run there will be a lot more of those friend occasions so part of this small celebration was selfish too. It was me just enjoying my baby who is not so much of a baby anymore. And you know what? Sometimes it is okay for us moms to be selfish. Especially, if it means being more present for our kids. And truly isn’t that the greatest present of all. xx
Isabelle Turns 2
Shop >>> Splendid Kids White Polo & Jacadi Shorts (as shown on Jay)
Shop >>> Mini Boden Striped Polo (as shown on Tommy – sold out; similar here & here) & Janie and Jack Shorts
Shop >>> Florence Eiseman Dress (as shown on Elle – custom made; love this & this) & Star Clip (purchased at Poppy in Brentwood; similar here)
Two-Years-Old Photo Shoot
Shop >>> Tartine et Chocolat Dress (sold out; love this & this)
Family Time at The Little Door in Santa Monica
Shop >>> MCbJ Tunic Top (coming soon)
Shop >>> Alice + Olivia Jacket (sold out; similar here & here)
Shop >>> Lanvin Pearl Necklace (sold out; similar here & budget-friendly option here)
Birthday Chocolate Chip Pancakes wearing Skylar Luna Pjs
Shop >>> Skylar Luna PJs
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